I thought that me transitioning into women-hood would be incredible and would mean something empowering. Sadly, I was slapped in the face that becoming a woman, much to my ignorance, meant society looked at you as a symbol of sex. Yes me at age 12, was a symbol of sex. Men’s looks that were once served with warmth and compassion, instantly changed to looks of hunger and lust. As my chest began to grow and hair appeared in places I was unaware hair could be, men and society began to treat me very differently. Society attempts to have complete control over women’s sexualness; and I will not allow it to have control over mine.

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Throughout our Writing 100 course, society telling women how their sex lives should look and how women should dress/act in relation to their sexuality are constant themes. The “Muslim Girl: A Coming of Age”, by Amani Al-Khatahtbeh, is about not only her struggles being a muslim post-9/11, but her struggles as a Muslim woman. As the author begins to grow up throughout the book, she realizes her love for feminism. Causing this spark of interest was the inequalities women deal with on a daily basis, a lot of which relates to how society views womens’ sex lives. This societal issue is addressed in “Muslim Girl: A Coming of Age”:

“Set aside the hypersexualization of the hymen as connected to virginity or any signifier of sexual activity, the assumption that a woman’s sexuality is anyone else’s business, the cultural and often religious connection of virginity with chastity, and our obsession with chastity as being a reflection of a woman’s worth” (Al Khatahtbeh 74-75).

When bringing up the issue of governments/societies telling women what to wear Al Khatahtbeh states, “any decision to intervene in how a woman dresses, whether to take it off or put it on, is just the same assertion of public control over a woman’s body”. An example of this is how Iran requires that all women wear a headscarf in public and French laws forbid wearing the veil in specific settings. She finishes this thought, the author states, “It’s funny how, in our patriarchal world, even two entities at the opposite ends of the spectrum can be bonded by their treatment of women’s bodies” (Al-Khatahtbeh 42). This prominent theme of society judging women by how they dress or by the number of people they’ve slept with throughout the book relates to how people treat me, a woman. If I wear my grey cozy sweats I’m unappealing, if I wear my tight, rainbow crop-top that shows the inch between my belly button and my high-rise jeans, I’m being too revealing. People are pleased with me once I inform them I’ve only slept with one person, as if they would be disappointed if I said otherwise.

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Society is either upset when women are too sexual or not sexual enough. A huge component of this is body image. How a woman’s body “should” look is also constantly debated in society. What it means to be sexy but not too sexy, and what it means to be attractive. This notion is brought up in a source from class, “My President was Black” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “If women, as a gender, must suffer the constant evaluations and denigrations of men, black women must suffer that, plus a broad dismissal from the realm of what American society deems to be beautiful”. This theme also appears in “The Meaning of Serena Williams” by Claudia Rankine, with a focus on how race is affected by America’s standard of beauty. Rankine describes Serena William’s experiences with this societal issue:

“Imagine that you have to contend with critiques of your body that perpetuate racist notions that black women are hypermasculine and unattractive. Imagine being asked to comment at a news conference before a tournament because the president of the Russian Tennis Federation, Shamil Tarpischev, has described you and your sister as ‘‘brothers’’ who are ‘‘scary’’ to look at. Imagine.”

The standard of beauty and the sexualization of women’s bodies shown in this example, expands on the difficulty of “being enough” as a woman. I’ve dealt with this notion that being feminine but just feminine enough equates with beauty. I really enjoy working out and lifting. When I express my passion for these activities to other men and women, they say “oh that’s really cool, but don’t do it so much to where you look manly”, and they stare at me uncomfortably when I respond with, “what’s wrong with that”. They always pause for a few seconds before replying with “because you’re not a man”. How does looking more masculine make me less attractive? How does having muscle and feeling good about the firmness of my body make me less of a women or less beautiful than a woman who is just “in-shape”? I don’t want to be in shape, I want my thigh muscles to be outlined with each step I take, and my triceps to show when I lift anything heavy. Society’s idea of what it means to be beautiful doesn’t accurately display what I feel makes me beautiful.
 

Another way society displays sexism/over-sexualization against women, is by commenting on the focal point of all nude women, nipples. The discussion of the over-sexualizing of nipples when they’re attached to a female’s body became a powerful movement in the feminist community beginning in 2012. Lina Esco, is an activist and actress who has tirelessly fought for women’s rights. One of Esco’s arguments was on the criminalization of women’s nipples in America, and as a form of protest, she wanted to make a film about girls going topless for equality. Tish Weinstock, a writer for Vice Media, stated that the film’s title, Free the Nipple, wasn’t Esco’s first idea, but it stuck. “If I made a movie called Equality, no-one would be talking about it”. The #freethenipple movement became a trending hashtag on Instagram and most forms of social media. Although Esco was not expecting this type of media eruption to happen so soon or in the manner it did, especially before her movie was released, she is just happy that more and more people are talking about this societal issue (“free the nipple founder lina esco on fighting the fight for gender equality”).

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This movement has also sparked the fad of women not wearing bras under their shirts. Women do this for comfort or possibly to feel liberated, no matter the reason why, the people who disagree with this trend are making it known. Peoples’ looks when I go braless, are as if I’m doing something horribly wrong and I need to fix my wrongdoing. When I wear a loose tee without a bra, because bras are extremely uncomfortable and unnecessary for breasts my size, people notice my nipples poking through my tee when there’s a breeze. At one point two teenage girls began giggling and pointing at my chest as my tee clung against my tiny breasts. Society has sexualized nipples so much that to even act as if they exist is considered absurd, even to other females. Yes I do have nipples, and no I do not care if you’re aware of that. I’d rather be comfortable than allow you to remain ignorant to the fact that nipples are just another part of human anatomy, and not some symbol of sex that society insists they are just when they are attached to a female’s body.

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Why is it that women are held to a higher standard of “modesty” than men? If a man exposes his nipple/goes shirtless in public due to heat or for comfort, that is considered normal and socially acceptable. If a woman did the same, it is not only considered socially wrong, but it is a crime in several cities across the United States. This urge for women wanting the freedom of going shirtless without judgement doesn’t only come from their longing for equality, mothers’ want to be able to breastfeed their children in public without disgusted looks. Woman’s breasts are on the covers of magazines, the focal point of numerous instagram posts, highlighted in the posters hung up in a “man’s workspace”, and the direct line of vision for many heterosexual men. People love breast when they’re sexy and for the pleasure of the viewers, but are quick to call public breastfeeders immodest for choosing to feed a child in public. Why is it immodest once breasts are not being used for the benefit of the people gawking at them but when they are giving a child nutrient-rich food? In Barbara Higman’s blog-post, “Why I Approve of Breastfeeding in Public”, she highlights the sexual association with breasts and how this over-sexualization of a woman’s chest should not prevent the acceptance of public breastfeeding:

“I have yet to meet a woman who wants to flaunt her bare breasts while nursing in order to invite sexual attention. A mother feeding her little one has already found a mate and even if she is on the lookout for a replacement, rest assured, when the baby wants his milk, attracting you won’t even cross her mind. If the sight of a bare breast disturbs you, then have some respect and do not gawp. This isn’t about you. Whether you are aroused or disgusted by the sight of breasts has no bearing whatsoever on the act of a mother feeding her baby. There is nothing immodest or shameful in the act of a mother uncovering her breast to feed her child”.

This is yet another example of how women’s bodies are socially accepted as a symbol for sex and shows that society does not accept them as anything more, like to be used for breastfeeding, although that is the biological purpose for having breasts.

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Society is constantly trying to intervene with everything relating to a woman’s sexuality. You, as a woman, will be judged for your number of sexual partners, the way you dress and how much skin you show, the ideation of what society says is beautiful and where you fit into that. Society will find anyway to take away women empowerment and try to diminish the feminist movement. I’m a women that enjoys sex, likes to dress in tight clothing on Friday nights and go without a bra during the week, doesn’t believe that because you are skinny and your body is proportional that you are beautiful, and I don’t give a damn if I fit into the description society keeps telling women they have to be in in order to be given a fair shot at pleasing others.
 

Works Cited

Al-Khatahtbeh, Amani. Muslim Girl: a Coming of Age. Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2017.

Coates, Ta-Nehisi. “My President Was Black.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 26 June 2018, www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/01/my-president-was-black/508793/.

Higham, Barbara. “Why I Approve of Breastfeeding in Public.” Women's Health Today, 23 May 2018, womenshealthtoday.blog/2018/01/05/why-i-approve-of-breastfeeding-in-public/.

Rankine, Claudia. “The Meaning of Serena Williams.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 25 Aug. 2015, www.nytimes.com/2015/08/30/magazine/the-meaning-of-serena-williams.html.

Weinstock, Tish. “Free the Nipple Founder Lina Esco on Fighting the Fight for Gender Equality.” I-d, i-d, 20 Sept. 2016, i-d.vice.com/en_us/article/59b7yq/free-the-nipple-founder-lina-esco-on-fighting-the-fight-for-gender-equality.